I Can't Get No Satisfaction.......

My hagwon keeps making it more and more difficult to fully enjoy my time in South Korea. Last week was probably the most challenging and stressful week that I have experienced here. It was buffered by two very enjoyable and memorable weekends (one in Cheonan and Haemi, and the other in Seoul), and I got to speak to Helen on Thursday as well have a conference call with my Mum and Claire last night. Nevertheless, last Friday I was sick to the back teeth of the constant crap I have to put up with at the hagwon and the lack of support I get from the “department.” Today there are rumours that come next month I will no longer be teaching Elementary at all, though who or what I will be teaching instead is a mystery. I guess I won’t find out until two seconds before it happens, so there’s not a lot of point in worrying about it.

I try to see the positive in most things and regardless of how frustrating the circumstances are I do try to tackle the problems I face head on. Yet for some reason I am finding it increasingly hard to do at the moment. Maybe it’s half way blues, maybe I just can’t be arsed anymore, or maybe I have been messed around too many times. Suffice to say something has to give. I don’t want to just live for the weekends, even though I will take away a lifetime of memories from the ones I have had so far. I want to be a good teacher, but as I receive no guidance, curriculum or consistent schedule I have to resort to trial and error and hope that the students are learning despite my stumbling efforts.

For some reason the kids haven’t been told that Fely has left the hagwon. Every day last week and today I have faced a barrage of “Where is Fely teacher?” from Grade 3 and 4 who for the most part don’t appreciate Jo Teacher’s style. Actually Grade 4 have been fine, it’s Grade 3 who conducted a survey in Korean to demonstrate how much they prefer Fely Teacher. Elementary Manager ignores the kids when they ask her, which (excuse the paranoia) seems a bit suspect-I mean why not just tell the kids? Being told today in secret that I will no longer be teaching Elementary next month has further fuelled my paranoia. I just don’t understand why the hagwon point blank refuses to tell me what’s happening, it’s so infuriating.

To be sure, with the constant changes I will never get bored at the hagwon, but I am starting to run out of patience and I am questioning how valuable this current experience is. I am sure that this feeling will pass and I might (sharp intake of breath) get to experience a whole month of stability-with no changes to my schedule, and no more building work, but at the moment there is more tunnel than light, and I am just counting down the days until the weekend.